Troll 2

I’m gonna tell you a fact about Troll 2 that will give you an idea of the kind of film it is.

Are you ready?... Sure?... OK then...

There are no trolls in Troll 2. 

The working title for the film was Goblins, which was then hastily changed to ride the very tiny ripple of success Troll had generated. The script was written by Rosella Drudi, wife of the director Claudio Fragasso, in order to piss off her friends who had become vegetarians. This makes it the only  anti-vegetarian propaganda film that i can think of. The majority of the crew were Italian and weren't able to speak English to the cast. The script were written in pidgin English and there seems to be a cat fight to this very day about how much freedom that cast were allowed to correct the script. It all makes for a delicious big green gooey cinematic mess.

I will let the blurb on the back of the box explain the plot. I have not made the following up, it’s not a load of typos, I have copied it word for word.

Joshua’s fears are well  founded for the Trolls, which are a particularly dangerous breed live in the woods around the village. The Trolls in the form of peasants offer the Waits family food, but Joshua is suspicious of their gifts and tries to persuade his family to refuse the food, which is a special concoction which will render them edible for the trolls...

for the Trolls are vegetarians...

Following so far?

And the food would turn the Waits into Vegetables!!

With only his Grandfather’s help,

(who can i mention is dead and is talking to Joshua from beyond the grave)

Joshua wages war against the Trolls. But he soon discovers that it’s not so easy to defeat the Trolls and escape.

So the Waits family go on a house swap holiday to a small quite town call Nilbog only later on the discover that as Joshua says

“Nilbog! It's goblin spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!”

The “special” effects consist of lots of green goo and some poor sod having tree bark glued to his face. The sub-plots of troll 2 are brilliant as well. Josh’s Grampa, Seth, can talk to Josh in his head, appear in mirrors, magic himself back into existence and freeze time. In fact he seems to be more super-human than dead. Joshua’s sister Holly spends a lot of time worrying that her boyfriend Elliot is having a four-way homoerotic affair with his three best mates. Elliot and his mates follow the Waits to Nilbog, all four of them in a small cramped camper-van, how homoerotic is that? One gets turned into a tree, one encounters a store clerk who can only be describe as mentally unhinged and the third one gets seduced by the Goblin queen in a scene involving loads of popcorn for no reason.

To add to the ridiculous plot line the cast seem to have been rounded up from the nearest bus stop. Joshua’s dad is played by a dentist who went to an audition in the hope of a small walk on part and ended up with a lead role. To be fair to them the script really doesn’t do the cast any favors. for example in the above blurb josh has to figure out how to stop his family eating food left by the goblins. How does he do it? Well Grampa Seth freezes time and...

JOSHUA PISSES ON ALL THE FOOD! OH YES! (click here for the linky it's well worth watching) The scene contains some of the stupidest dialogue I have heard (you can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT!).

As you can see Troll 2 is absolutely right up my street. It’s gathered a cult following  and rightly so. It’s very simply a must have for any bad-film devotee. Don’t believe me? 

I rest my case.